Just Plain Epic, originally named the Epic Way, is one of three endings to the game Stealing the Diamond. It is one of two endings achievable when choosing “sneak in” at the start screen. 

Plot

Deciding to Sneak In to the museum, Henry moves to the building's side. He then attempts to break in from there by going through the wall.

  • [X] Shrink Ray - Henry shoots himself with the tool, reducing his size. Locating a small crack in the museum's wall, he moves to enter the museum from there, but is ambushed by a worm. The creature then consumes Henry. (Message: Man, worms are so much vicious up close!)
  • [X] Liquidificator - Using the device, Henry turns himself into water. Instead of being able to bend his molecules to his own will, the forces of gravity causes him to spill into the ground. (Message: What'd you think was going to happen?)
  • Pick - Mining into the wall of the museum, a Creeper ambushes Henry and explodes, busting through the wall in the process.

Surviving the blast, Henry soon finds himself in the World War II exhibit of the museum, where Dave Panpa chats with fellow security guard Kurt Dietrich about Henry's escape from the West Mesa Penitentiary (where Dave was once employed at) and the aftermath that came along with it. However, Kurt is uninterested with Dave's story and urges him to shut up. In the midst of the conversation, Henry must find a way to remove the two guards from the area.

  • [X] Timeout - Dave attempts to reason with Kurt, wanting to chat in order to have a friend and pass the time. After some while, Kurt notices Henry at the wall's opening. (Message: This conversation can't be THAT interesting.)
  • [X] Gun - Henry steals a gun from a glass exhibit and attempts to fire on the security guards, but it is not loaded. Kurt then points his own gun at the intruder. (Message: Quick! Pretend you were joking! ...Good one, right guys?)
  • [X] Bomb - Henry tosses the vintage explosive on display, hitting Dave's foot-- but it does not explode. Kurt quickly responds by shooting Henry with his gun. (Message: Why would they keep live bombs in a museum?)
  • Plane - Henry throws the model aircraft, which knocks out Kurt. Dave flees to warn a fellow security guard, but knocks himself out when he runs into a pillar.

Advancing further into the museum, Henry finds a security guard, Todd Slimmonds, having trouble staying awake on the job. Hiding behind a pillar, Henry can not make a move when the guard is awake.

  • [X] Up to Diamond - Henry makes a dash to the exhibit, but stops in his tracks when the guard awakes in front of Henry. (Message: Hm. Must be a light sleeper.)
  • Left to Retro Room - Henry is able to make a quick dash to the retro-games themed exhibit, avoiding detection.

From the exhibit, Henry can also access the Tunisian Diamond exhibit, but finds two guards, Timothy Lewis and Joseph Jo, on patrol.

  • [X] Alien - Releasing the alien from its capsule, Henry attempts to commandeer it to attack Tim and Joe, but the alien attacks him instead. (Message: Looks like they don't take kindly to orders.)
  • [X] Crowbar - Before Henry could pick up the tool, a swarm of headcrabs fall on top of him. (Message: Man, I HATE it when that happens!)
  • [X] Goodball - Henry initializes a trainer battle with Timothy and Joseph. At the start of the battle, the guards send out Jo, while Henry sends out Missingno, which corrupts the game into causing a blue screen error.[1] (Message: 01100110 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 01101110 01101111: Means Fear Missingno)[2]
  • Mushroom - Henry uses the fungus to grow into a giant.

Now giant-sized, Henry busts into the Diamond exhibit. There is little the security guards can do to stop the gigantic thief. One of Henry's stomps causes a dinosaur to hatch from a prehistoric egg exhibit, which would later take out Alexander Garb, presumably killing him in the process. As a giant, Henry is able to take the Diamond with ease, before the guards use a cannon against him. A cannonball hits Henry and causes him to lose the mushroom's power.

The museum then falls into chaos, which alerts the Center for Chaos Containment. With chaos readings at 10.6, an agent at the CCC, Clyde Jenkins, is given the go-ahead by Corporal Bill Bullet to act on the situation.

  • [X] Divide By Zero - A calculator is sent to the museum. When Henry picks it up, a robotic arm divides 1337 by 0 on the calculator, which causes the museum to collapse into the void. (Message: Sorry, I was in the bathroom. What'd I mi- Where'd... Where is everyone?)
  • [X] Nuke - The entire museum is alerted to an impending nuclear launch nearby. Henry ponders about his fate, before the nuke goes off-- destroying the museum, and the entire metropolis surrounding it. (Message: Don't feel too bad. He probably camped for the 25 kills he needed to get that nuke.)
  • [X] Satellite - Shoop Da Whoop, as a satellite, fires a laser blast which destroys the museum, leaving only a deep crater behind. (Message: I couldn't resist.)
  • Gear - The CCC sends a gigantic robot to the museum, which begins to chip away at the building.

During the robot's destructive rampage, Henry finds the Diamond in between the robot's legs-- deeming it unsafe to recover the gemstone in the chaos, he makes a dash for the exit, and runs as far away from the museum as possible.

While stopping to catch his breath on the road, the Diamond is launched from the museum and lands right next to Henry on the grass. Having completed his heist in a rather unusual fashion, Henry begins celebrating.

Characters

Italics indicate they only appear in this pathway.


Music

Track Composer/Artist Notes
Sneaky Menu Loop Puffballs United Intro menu (Flash version)
🎧 "Grand Opening"
PuffballsUnited Opening theme for Stealing the Diamond, remastered.
🎧 "Mushroom Rampage"
PuffBallsUnited When Henry uses the Mushroom.
🎧 "Ego Death
Xtrullor Attack of the CCC Robot
🎧 "Run Away"
PuffBallsUnited Henry flees from the museum and the CCC robot.
🎧 "Preparation 4 War"
Rec0il Ending theme for the route, flash


Notes

  1. Interacting with the Windows-esque error messages will net the "100111010" medal that can't be translated from Binary.
  2. Translates into "fear missingno" from Binary.
Ranks/Endings
Breaking the Bank

The Story Begins

Escaping the Prison

Sneaky Escapist Lawyered Up Badass Bust Out

Stealing the Diamond

Intruder on a Scooter Just Plain Epic Unseen Burglar

Infiltrating the Airship

Government Supported Private Investigator Pure Blooded Thief Relentless Bounty Hunter Rapidly Promoted Executive

Fake: Lightning Quick Larcenist

Fleeing the Complex

Ghost Inmate Convict Allies Presumed Dead International Rescue Operative The Betrayed

Completing the Mission

Toppat King Cleaned 'em Out Stickmin Space Resort Little Nest Egg Special BROvert Ops Master Bounty Hunter Jewel Baron Valiant Hero Free Man Revenged Toppat Civil Warfare Pardoned Pals Toppat Recruits Capital Gains Toppat 4 Life Triple Threat

Secret: Multiverse Correction

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